Friendship

We have had a handful of movies in Tamil which celebrate friendship.Unusual theme and message considering their staple diet of 'love'!Otherwise friends are usually sidekicks of heros and heroines who do not have any originality or character.At best they may act as sounding boards.But if the hero as much as gives them importance, then it detracts from the larger than life image of the heros, so it is a definite no - no.Long and short of it, is that friends are eminently forgettable characters in Tamil cinema genre.
In real life, we see two divergent groups of people.One group which staunchly believes that friends are what make ones life livable and worthwhile.The other group staunchly believe that friends are for fun only and not for any commitment for long time, leave alone lifetime.
It can be no secret, to which group i belong!
Friends are fun yes, friends are also for keeps; for the long haul. I can say that friends i made when in college and immediately thereafter, in the early years of work usually stay that way. It is okay during the intervening years, and sometimes over a decade or two, there would have been only sporadic contact.The early years of career, marriage, family, kids, all arrive in quick succession and before one realises one has lost touch with ones friends.Add company transfers and relocations to add a touch of drama.
Then children move away for higher studies and you take a breather and look at life afresh.You feel strongly the need to bond with your friends again. You meet up with one and get updated on many others in just one phone call. The beauty of friends is that years that have flown by seem to have stood still as far as they are concerned. You could pick up the thread and feel comfortable and at ease with them as you used to.Chasm of time is quickly bridged.
It has happened that the last one week has been hectic with establishing contact with many friends and i am on a perpetual high!With each one of them, you are able to relate in different emotional zones and it does enrich your life.
Suddenly i feel alive!
I do accept that friends do cause pain at times, as one expects them to be there for you.It is also likely that they are not willing to commit as much to the friendship as you think you are committing. But over time these look small compared to the joy and bonding that takes place when you are together. In fact even when you are not together, you feel at ease reaching out to them , without having to do any explanations.
To say in a nutshell, it is worth all the effort and time and energy that friends demand and get!!!

Sevalaya

Had a very unique experience yesterday, visiting an institution,Sevalaya.It is not yet another orphanage;neither is it yet another old age home; it is not another village school either; nor is it a charitable institution with an eye on media publicity.
It is a unique experiment of the dream of 3 young men who wanted to follow the teachings of swami vivekananda, Mahatma Gandhi and Subramanya bharati, in letter and spirit.Started in a thatch hut with 3 children, is today a big family of hundreds of students,teachers and staff.I liked the environment which is very friendly.I found all the inmates both old and young and all ages in between genuinely at peace with themselves and happy.There was a sense of being partners in the entire process. The villagers also participate actively in the school activities in return for free education and upkeep of their children.We were shown a big platform under the trees and were told that it was built by the villagers themselves to enable their wards to perform during annual day celebrations!We saw a 'goshala' and the 'hay' was provided by the villagers.
The library is very neatly and well maintained and computerised(yes,the the youngsters were software professionals who dared to dream!) The school has a mobile van in which books are taken and parked in the nearby villages by rotation, and books are borrowed by the village youngsters.We saw some very good magazines in Tamil stacked there.
The goshala has some very healthy cows and is able to meet the needs of milk and milk products of the inmates.There are occasions when they do have a surplus, which they are able to sell quite easily.They also give shelter to those cows which are no longer useful as milch cows.We were told that the cow dung is used in the gobar gas plant .The electricity so generated lights the bulbs of senior citizens in their rooms!How poignant can you get.
The school has classes upto 12th standard; the classes are spacious and well ventilated.The labs are very very spacious and we saw the computer lab having latest computers.The school does conduct computer classes for villagers during summer holidays, we were told.
Good emphasis is given for physical education and games. The school has two PT masters; no they are not the terror among students, but are facilitators. I was quite impressed when i was told that one of the girls from the school is presently undergoing a training in a camp organised by Sports Authority Of India in their MRF Grounds near Chennai.She is training in athletics for 100 metres run.
The school also had 100% results in 10th and 12th for the last 3 years; not only that but the highest mark of 1028/1200 was scored by a student from the school and he now studying engineering in a city college!You should go there to hear the pride in the voice of the teachers and the management when they talk of each and every achievement;and they are none of them mean achievement either.
The school is more than 50 kilometres from the city, and there are stretches when the road gets really trying(the car tyres).It is really tucked away in a far corner.When we mentioned this, the administrator told us, yes, that is the dream of the founders that we should go to villages where there is not even a post office!
They have some land and grow vegetables. As the institution grew there was need to augment the quantity of vegetables. They were able to get a koyambedu merchant to come over to the school. On seeing the school so well run, he offered that they can bring their van to koyambedu market every week and pick up whatever vegetables they want!This arrangement is going on for some time now. We had lunch in the school and had the choicest of vegetables in their sambhar and had a very tasty cabbage kootu!
Bought a packet of organic manure there and also a sevalaya logo t shirt.
Plan to get involved in a regular basis in this school.It is a pleasure to see an institution started with very good ideals running very humanely and efficiently for more than a decade and a half and growing!
They have dreams of starting a rural university and i would definitely like to take an active part in their future plans.
I really wished we had known about this place earlier, so that we could have had appa's sathabhishekam celebrated with the inmates!

African Lion

An african lion is priceless, even if it were a young cub all of 4 years old. Does not have much of a grandeur you could say;mane et all missing.But an african safari and lion sightings within a few feet in an open jeep is an experience worth cherishing; which i am sure kumar is planning to do.

johannesburg

my first attempt at uploading an image. Chose south african safari photos courtesy kumar.
I have been able to save quite a few from the safari and will be running riot with them in the posts to come

Senior citizens

Traditionally Indian society has treated all members of the family as one entity.Whether one was treated well or not, there was definitely belonging.So much so, there was no 'felt need' to go in for life insurance in such a society. None of the constitutents felt bereft of protection and livelihood, should one earning member of the family suddenly died; or even if he/she lived too long!
I do not remember that my grand father who lived a full life upto 80 years ever mentioned of life insurance. I do remember my father having some life insurance policies. But they were really not very substantial and were used as savings instruments than risk averting instruments!
Father dying suddenly, invariably meant the extended family, naturally coming to the resue of the grieving family, immediately and also on a sustained basis. It was an accepted norm, rather than an exception.
We can say that we have always had an inclusive culture.I particularly value dignity of human beings more so in old age.Hence it was quite painful for me when my doctor discussed very serious 'parent abuse' visible among his patients.More so when they fall sick.
Much before our organisation introduced pension scheme, i was witness to several of my colleagues, after retirement leading a not enviable life. I could not imagine , how a person who has earned for over 30 years and lived life to the full, caring and nurturing his family during these years, be not made to feel good and at ease with himself.
Many a time i have joked with some of my male colleagues, that my sympathies are with their wives, who are suddenly stuck with their husbands for 24/7!(this expression was not in vogue then).Many of them would have fashioned their lives around seeing the back of their husbands at a fixed time in the mornings and having time for themselves till late evening, when they get ready to receive them back!
They would need space for themselves, to use the more fashionable expression.They might be busy, they might rest a while, they might share a tete e tete with the servant/neighbour or regular vendor who sells anything from vegetables to greens to plastic buckets.They might watch serials or do some cleaning of the house; or read up on magazines/books.They might do some chota mota purchases in the locality; they might visit a friend or relative or receive some stray guest at home.
For 30 odd years, husband has not been a part of any of these activities and hence when they decide to pitch tent it needs some heavy duty adjustments from her side!
I remember my great aunt was beside herself when her husband decided to take retirement when he was 60.His company did not believe in watching the clock and giving them retirement party when they turn 60. He could have definitely continued for some more years if he had wanted(she definitely wanted it!).But then his logic was that he has been working since he was 18 and was looking forward to his easy chair life!My aunt used to freely express her anguish to anyone and everyone who would be within earshot;the world is unjust and how when the company wants them, how some people are so merciless as to throw that opportunity away!Everybody could easily discern(inlcluding the just retired!) that she was talking about her loss of freedom than genuine concern for the company her husband worked for.
I remember my granny's reaction when grandpa retired.She just could not accept it.When they shifted from Mumbai to chennai after his retirement, she was naïve enough to tell the neighbours that her husband was on leave. How did she believe that she could carry off this facade?The fact is she did.And when after sometime, some neighbours asked her why he has not gone back to work, she had to tell them that he is on looong leave. By which time i am sure the neighbours were wiser than to ask what was so apparent to everybody except her!And to put at rest every other speculation,grandpa went and got his head shaved and kept a neat little tuft!He also threw away all his trousers and switched over to traditional 'panchakacham' dhoti.My grandma was inconsolable and she used to harrangue him with doing the unthinkable without as much as consulting her. And to top it all he used to spend his evening hours in a neighbourhood temple which was just getting established. She used to ask him, what is it that he find there when he is not at all old to pursue full time religious pursuits!
With my father, the transition was easier, as he was a professor in a college; not only that, we stayed in the campus and dad used to be seen around the house a lot more than most fathers who are working in offices.Other than the classes he had to take he used to be at home, so when he retired, it was not much of a difference.It is also pertinenet, that summer vacations used to have him stay at home for over 3 months, so we were all quite comfortable that he was an integral part of the house!
I remember a colleague whom i met some 3 months after he had retired.He was enjoying life he said;There are so many serials to be watched, that he and his wife have found a new bonding in watching them!I asked him how he is able to tolerate the weepy serials which are typically a woman's diet and he said that he is also a housewife(!) so he is able to relish them!
There are a whole lot of my colleagues and friends who have taken voluntary retirement.Some fancy packages were offered by govt, banks, insurance companies and also some private sector employers.their stories are slightly different.In most of the cases, women who have taken the plunge, seems to enjoy a life of non-stress.They have looked forward to being able to have a leisurely pace of life and it was a wish fulfilment so to say.They said they are able to lead fuller lives with pursuing their long forgotten hobbies.They slide into typical housewife role; 20 odd years of working life in one swift move is as though erased from their lives and memory!
Not so the case of men. Many of them have taken up alternate careers. Bank officers have takent up project appraisals and the like. Insurance officials have taken to agents training;some of them to take guest lectures in numerous management institutes.Of course with booming economy, non formal sector offers many an opportunity to the enterprising individual.I am quite sure their wives are pleased that the husband does not put so much tension on them in the mornings, but is happily away for a good part of the day .So they are having the cake and eating it too!
Of course there is an alternate career of making regular visits to your children's homes in the US.Plans are made for the entire year ahead. Nobody can say that our kids in the US do not plan ahead. They neatly arrange a full calender year between their parents and in laws with children's vacation duly factored in.So couple of months is spent in being of assistance to your son/daughter to pursue their dreams. Usually the women adapt to the life in the US much better than the men. Loss of independence and being not able to drive your life is more traumatic for men than women.Many of them end up learning to use the computers more extensively than they would have done back home in India.Some of them swing to the other extreme and get extremely addicted to it and their excitement at the cyber world opening up is real and palpable.But they would definitely not wish to go there again, if they have a choice. I have seen many fathers opting to stay back when the mother makes more frequent visits to help out their kids.
They are able to accept the home catering arrangements that are becoming common in our localities.I have not had anyone who takes to active interest in social causes.
I remember reading about the significant waste of productive energy of women who spend enormous amounts of time in fetching water for their households. If only this single problem could be solved with providing piped water, the gdp of the country could go up many fold!
So also, if we can tap into the creative wisdom and capabilities of our senior citizens in our families, our gdp of happiness will grow up several fold!!

of oil masssage and climbing tirupati hill

Been out of circulation for a while. Suffering from the weirdest of ailments if you want to know. Not laid up or anything like that, but feeling well under the weather and dont blame chennai's blazing summer; not this time atleast.
It all started quite innocently enough. A friend recommended a massseur.Said she has been patronising this particular style from this expert for a while now and she is immensely benefited. I got tempted to try something new. I had experienced an oil massage during a business visit to Kerala a few months back.So wanted to try it out.
So far so good.Mommy felt the masseur took more time than is normal.I felt good while it lasted.It was one of those days when many unexpected events unfold. Had a cousin visiting us after many years.Hence went with her to the beach and spent sometime playing football and what not.
Had planned a trip to tirupati the next day and also to climb up the hill.I have done this climbing up the hill part, several times in the past, and one as recently as two months back.Hence did not give it much thought.
But then the climb proved quite arduous this time and the last lap proved particularly taxing.When i reached the hill top i could feel extreme fatigue and onset of a fever.Put it down to the heat and the exertion.
Darshan was very good and i had to stop by and ask medical advice from my sister before the drive back. Slept through the ride back to chennai.That is the beginning.The discomfort and fever kept coming and going and series of tests were ordered.I would feel slightly better in the morning and during the day would feel like lounging and sleeping and listless.
Sleep was evading me many a night and got a reputation for being very touchy!There was no other symptom other than fever and no taste for food, but had appetite.I could not concentrate on anythinig and was quite distracted.
A course of antibiotics was gone through and mouth ulcers were treated by mommy's home remedies.
Ten whole days past in this fashion.I wanted to resume normal life and hence ventured to go to the gym.Could not do my treadmill for more than 10 minutes even with a much reduced speed.So gave up and came home and again temperature was rearing its ugly head. Truly panicked this time.
Met a very senior consultant in the evening and he said not to worry.All parameters normal, and all tests are negative. It is muscle strain due to oil massage and the climb up the hill soon thereafter.He said any athlete after a workout will have rising temperature for a while.He called it Myalgia.
Now i am stuck to my bed and come to office in company car and then stick to my seat.Food lovingly cooked by mommie is aiding the recovery!
Moral of the story.....Never ever mix and match any two strenuous activities however much you are familiar with them in isolation....

Over communication

Newspapers and media are full of the topic, communication!They say Indian boys and girls are good in technical areas but fare quite poorly in soft skills. A whole new market is evolving to make the engineering and other graduates “employable”.Soft skills trainers never had it so good. Yasaswini agrees with this diagnosis and says either Indians do not communite and come off as being very shy or they go the other extreme and become 'brash and aggressive'.
While this is so, have you come across the perils of 'over communication'?I recently had this experience.The task was simple (so I thought). Staying accomodation was to be arranged and there was this person who will hand the reservation slip to me in a pre arranged place.He also has a mobile and my mobile number is also with him.I was to call him about half an hour before reaching the spot, so that he is able to get himself into “postion”.Simple task, clearly laid out action plan.
No it did not turn out to be so simple.All due to over communication.Perhaps the problem was a few other players entered the fray.And they wanted to be hospitable!They took us to a hotel to have lunch; Since it was not part of the plan, there were many phone calls back and forth as to the venue of meeting.We had no confusion, but the people who belong to the place, did!
We did not want lunch as we were carrying aaloo parata and curd rice, lovingly prepared at home.They insisted on butter milk.Then they asked us to wait as our contact person was already coming to meet us.Why?No explanation, other than some inane reason. After 15 minutes we are told ' no he is not coming, can we proceed”?We did!All the while communication was flowing back and forth.
I remembered prashant telling me sometime back, that my colleagues talk too much. What can be said in one sentence, they say it in 10 sentences and that too phase it out over half hour. I did not realise then, but i really realised it now.
No wonder mobile companies are doing roaring business. And talktime per mobile is the highest in India.
I wish for precise, clear and lucid communication.If that is a tall order, atleast keep it simple and short!

Sightings in Tirupati

I am fairly regular in visiting tirupati;I am sorry appa will correct me and say it is tirumala(when people used to say, mel tirupati and keezh tirupati, appa used to get irritated. it is tirupati and tirumala, he would explain to them!)Lord Balaji is my ishta devatha and due to association kumar is also an ardent devotee of the temple now.
This time we climbed up the seven hills from tirupati to tirumala.
It was very very hot; unbelievably so; even though we started the climb in the evening after 5 pm. Had enless bottles of cool mineral water, buttermilk in satches and of course my faithful 'strong peppermint'(polo). Kumar was curious and wanted to know what is the use of this toffee. I said it gives energy; and when he was still skeptical, i said, it keeps me distracted.That seemed to satisfy him!
There was a small boy climbing along with his dad and uncle. At one point he sat down and said 'mala lift paijiye' in marati(i want a lift now to go up the hill)
My heart warmed up to him as i was in the same boat, puffing and panting.
There was a sister brother combination, who were into painting the steps with haldi and kumkum.I saw process efficiency in the way these youngsters were handling it compared to some elders that i have seen. The girl had the haldi and would in one sweep apply the haldi on a set of 10 or more steps without looking up or taking her hand away. The brother will follow with the kumkum and would repeat the process.Next generation improves the way of doing things!
We saw a brand new Himachal pradesh apple juice outlet.Companies are smart to be where the customer is and with crowds burgeoning every day in tirupati, they are sure on to a good market!Of course other shops which sell everything from mineral water, buttermilk, all sorts of cool and bottled drinks are growing by the day.Dont forget kurkure and lay chips packets.(Even in the highest point in Gangotri in himalayas, Kurkure packets were seen.Cant say these mncs dont know a thing or two about distribution!)
Saw quite a few groups of boys, both climbing up and down. They carry their backpack and are usually quite boistrous!One of them had a sing song routine imitating a nursery rhyme; a balaji, b balaji, c balaji......and some permutation combinations of the same.
Kumar likes to feed a group of deer in their park, halfway up the climb. There are some vendors, who sell, carrot pieces, cuccumber pieces and the shell of darboos fruit, in packets.He relishes doing this and tries to feed the younger ones. But then the antelopes and the bigger ones invariably shove away the kuttis!
Whenever i was struggling to climb, some elderly lady with a few heavy bags would pass me by and i would feel ashamed and not complain.Or there will be women, who carry their babies and small kids and continue climbing without much ado.We did see one elderly man, who was physically challenged, climb up with a stick to support him.
The last lap 'muzhangal mudichan'(the bit which tries the strength of your knees,as it were)was particularly trying, so i kept my eyes low, and looked at only one step in front of me(so that i dont get fazed by endless steps ahead).And like lakshmana who noticed only the anklets of sita, I got to notice lots of anklets of passing ladies. And everyone of the ladies was invariably wearing an anklet. Except very elderly ladies and that too who appeared to work in fields or as domestic help, did not sport them.All others did.I remembered my trysts with anklets.I used to like the idea of wearing them.So would wear them, and the inconveniece of it would get me after a couple of hours and i would be happy to take it off; some of them will tug at the saree; and some have a habit of falling off when you least expect, even though you had fastened it very well(this usually happens when you go to the beach!)and of course if you wear them and take them off and on a few times, the clasp has a way of coming unstuck!Which means it gets into a pouch in the cupboard for being taken to the jeweller, the next time(and it never comes!)
I also noticed that women wore synthetic outfits, both sarees and churidar.When with a cotton churidar, i was feeling so uncomfortable, they were all of them in synthetics(polystar as my servant would call it).Is it for its drape and fall, which is better than cotton, or that it is cheaper and easier to maintain, or it comes in more glamorous designs, i actually wanted to stop a lady and ask.
There is a stretch of road which goes around the hills and we have breathtaking view.There is a spot where you can see an arch at a distance and in the night, you felt as though it is a scene from kailas in some movie!Reel reflects real life!Only the siva parvathi silloute was missing!Noticed a constellation, saptharishi mandalam and felt good about it!
The fitting finale is the darshan of course. But the scene of the glistening gold vimana of the sanctum sanctorum, in the early morning half light with the cool clouds sweeping over it, was breathtaking and came a close second.

Too old to be a teacher, too young to be a politician

Pramod Mahajan is no more. He was all of 56 years when he was attacked by his younger brother.Many politicians are dying in their "prime" is a thought which crossed my mind.Immediately i remembered a famous sound byte of pramod mahajan himself; "i was a teacher before entering politics; if i had continued i would be considered old and will be nearing retirement; here i am touted as the 'gen next'!
How ironic!
Made me recollect appa's retirement more than 20 years back. He had been mentally preparing for retirement no doubt, for quite some years.Most people do that, I guess.But then those were the years, amma spent in preparing and acquiring graduation and post graduation through distance education.When he actually retired amma became a qualified post graduate with a B Ed degree also thrown in for good measure.
While appa started enjoying his retirement, amma started going to a nearby school as an assistant headmistress.It was quite charming to see amma getting ready and appa helping her do so.He enjoyed keeping house while amma took up employment in 'Sri chakra elementary school' in anna nagar.
She was quite excited and we used to hear an earful about 'her children'.She has always been passionate about teaching and learning and enjoyed this assignment.
So we had two teachers; one too old to teach in college and another not too old to start a career as a teacher at 51 years of age!

Give credit for carbon

I have been intrigued reading this phrase 'carbon credits' quite often in business dailies and magazines of late.But then one can only know so much and what one does not understand, easiest way out is to skip that article; or better still skip that page!Carbon credit was one such.
Not for long. Had a young college girl from the US calling on us some months back and dont remember how this subject came up during our dinner at Manasthali restaurant. Kumar explained the concept to this girl in simple language.It clarified my unasked question too in the bargain!
So it was that during the long weekend , i was reading up all i could on this subject as business today was stuffed with profiles of companies who have made it big in the carbon credit 'space' as it were.(to put it in simple terms, carbon credit is what some companies buy when are too busy running their business and in the process polluting the environment.Some companies do have excess of credit points in their 'environment' balance sheet and are willing to sell to the deficit companies.It is no empty book entry but is traded in hard cash running in crores of rupees.)
SRF and Reliance were mentioned as some of the leading companies who have made a pile on carbon credits.
But today morning business line in their front page tells me that european union companies have quickly changed tracks and are becoming environment friendly and that such a move of their part will adversely affect the future earnings potential projections of prominent Indian companies.Definitely it has affected my view of world economy!Things change by the day, radically as if by a magic wand!
And my weekend learning is turned upside down!

will you be still periamma?

Had to face an interesting question from my niece who is all of 6 years old.
She is quite excited with mehandi ceremony and nalangu ceremony and nichyatartham coming one after another in quick succession.And you throw in a house warming ceremony for variety.All these festivities has made her to do some quick thinking. What if scenarios, if you would. Suddenly out of the blue she asked me, when i grow old and get married and get a kid, would you be still periamma?
Bowled me over, made me think for a minute and i said, yes, any problems.She wanted to know if i would not be a patti.I said, yes, now that you mention it.She immediatley said, patti vendam, you be periamma only. I said, fine lady, if you insist.
She has been keenly interested in relationships and the myriad web that we in India weave.She will keep coming back and forth about any new cousin or relation that she meets.And she will do a complete revision of all the relatives that she knows, of course getting them all tangled half way through.
The other day had two of our tiny neighbours came calling looking for my niece.since she was not around, they wanted some activity to spend time. I showed them shatabhishekam snaps as also some snaps of our trip to pondicherry.
They got every person mixed up as to their relationship with me;Actually it involved prash and yash and then avni(my brothers daughter) and jhanvi(my sister's daughter).Four kids and the way they relate to me out of which two are my kids!Finally they gave up saying, 'it is all so confusing aunty".I had a hearty laugh.
Remembered when i was young and involved relationships used to be touted at us, like ammanga, athangai, athan manni and so on.And we felt perplexed. Now kids feel perplexed at first cousins!

will you be still periamma?