Estate mangoes

Yesterday amma is all smiles when I visited her.She l told me to go to the kitchen and see what is kept on the working table there.I spotted a huge tray full of small mangoes(which we use for mavadu) and another tray full of medium sized mangoes.All from the tree in her garden. When you see something fresh and green from your own garden, there are very few pleasures which equal that exhilaration.

Amma had asked me to go and see the huge crop of mangoes the previous day hanging in bunches.But they were all quite high up in the tree. I think neighbourhood boys had wiped out the low hanging mangoes. I tried some gymnastics and caught a few. I was asking her how did she manage to pluck all of them.

This brings me to the unique chemistry existing between my mother, her maid and the helper lady who comes in to help appa and amma. They dont stricly adhere to their roles. They were also equally excited about the mangoes. So both of them go to the terrace and inspect the mangoes; an aerial view so to say.Then they come down and manage to get two sticks and sit down and tie it securely and go to the garden and alternate between hitting at the mango bunch and anticipate and quickly catch the mangoes before they hit the ground. Mangoes caught by hand has high value, as they can ripen into juicy and delicious mangoes. But if they fall on the ground, then it is not a sure bet, so mostly it is used for pickles or chutneys or whatever one fancies. They made such a pair that they managed to catch a large number, without dropping catches. After an hour or so when they had vamoosed, they returned back with sackful of mangoes and showed off to amma.Amma was very very pleased.She kept holding each one of the mangoes in her hand and inspecting and commenting about it.

She gladly distributed it to them and kept the remaining for home consumption. She is generous and a garden enthusiast.They maid who has been with her for as long as we remember know her only too well. She is also very excited about gardening.The helper lady who is the latest addition, has quickly fit into her role and they make a good three musketeers.

They are to help amma and appa.But mostly they pour their troubles to her and she a kindly soul who comes to their rescue in all the way she can. She of course ropes in me and my sister also into this whirlpool!

Working for amma has lot of perquisites.

Can you show me the sms my son sent you?

We are very fortunate that we know a couple who are completely goodness personified. I can say that they really make you feel good and relaxed and happy when you are with them.I almost feel like singing, 'God is in his heaven and all is well with the world', when I meet them at their place. You feel extremely comfortable in their presence. Can't say the same of very many people I know.

They are extremely attached to their only child, a son. He must be in his forties and three years back was posted outside India. They were quite sad that their son will not be with them.But it was for a little over a year stint, so they consoled themselves.The period abroad extended to three years, as it usually happens. Now they were looking forward to having their son come back,But then he got a good elevation and was told that he needs to stay away from India as there are no positions available for him in India.

The couple were in a bit of a low spirit when we met them a few days back.Quite unusual for them actually.They are extremely gracious hosts and even when they have nursing assistance round the clock, insisted on fussing over us. The lady was telling us that her son had got her a tablet recently and she reads the Tamil Hindu newspaper online. But the letters are so small, that it is detracting me from the pleasure of reading, she told us. K asked her for the tablet and just showed her by pressing the screen with your fingers and moving them away, the fonts become bigger. Both of them were truly amazed. Oh it is just like what we do to see photos , the man exclaimed happily. He also thanked my husband so profusely that he actually felt quite embarassed. The man told his wife, but for K coming and showing us, we would not have known this aspect and would have suffered.

The man then asked my husband if he is in touch with his son. Actually their son and my husband are good friends and that is how the friendship extended to his parents. K told him yes, I did send him an sms a few days back. Immediately the man asked K, can you show me the sms? And eagerly peeped into the total technical stuff that they had exchanged.

He felt very happy, as though he was quite near to his son.

A lot of fuss is made these days of youngsters and their love and the keepsakes that they preserve. But a lot remains to be done to chronicle the utter devotion and love that elderly parents have for their middle aged children, more so when they are far away.

I was witness to a most touching display of utter devotion and affection.It was beautiful.

We feel closer now when the children are very far away

This is the common refrain I hear from parents when I ask them whether they miss their children, now that they are quite far away( I belong to the parent group, so it is natural for me to pop this question to them!). I find them quite relaxed and happily going about their lives. None of them till today have ever been anxious about their ward on any score. They tell me quite breezily that they are enjoying keeping in touch with their child through the latest technology gadgets. They are quite excited with the new electronic toys.They also say that they are more in touch with their child when she is away in a far off land than when they used to live in the same house.

That made me sit up and wonder about what is happening here.The child if she has gone for undergrand, then the madness of the years preceeding the school final could have left both the  parent and child with not much meaningful interaction. Now that the most important educational milestone has been successfully crossed, there is easing of pressure on both sides, and communication is more free flowing. Is it that the child is really missing the parents and home and friends and familiar environment, that she actively seeks the comfort of reaching out to parents(and friends of course).It helps that for parents always 'less is more'.So even a little effort to communicate is hugely appreciated by parents.

It could also be that the parents are quite excited with the technology and the new learning. They must be unconciously relating to the times when they were young and away for whatever reason, but could never reach out to parents and friends. Technology as such without the nostalgic overhang could also be exciting for the parents. While the child will take these latest advances in her stride, it gives the parents a new high, every time.

Is it even remotely possible that the parents welcome the space that such a separation provides? Children actively seek out this space and have no qualms in saying so. But I think there is a small chance that parents are also welcoming a differnet life style and not sitting and moping about an empty nest.

It is also possible that parents are seeing the new experience and beautiful places that the child is visiting, a proxy enjoyment.They could never enjoy the freedom and new vistas that are now possible for their child, so they get a new high.

I have a small doubt.
Telephone conversation, sms, whatsapp, skype,google hangout are all supposed to substitute for the real thing of sitting together and talking and eating and going out and enjoying and relishing time spent together.

Is the substitution slowly morphing the real?

Thank God there is atleast a tiny window in the communication channel, where a telephone or skype ends with one of the persons saying, " I cant explain this long distance, I will tell you when I come there next time!"

Geography is History

No, this is not about textbooks of social studies, which combines geography, history and civics. It is about children migrating to far away lands even for their undergraduation. Bright and eager eyed students migrating for postgraduation to the US is now a given. It is no longer a party topic. If children dont migrate to the US for higher studies, it is a topic of great concern for all extended family. A very senior member of the family asked me why my son did not go to the US.I was asked to 'explain with referece to context'!

I had heard one of my colleagues in office sending her son for studying 'art' in Italy many years ago. I was quite surprised about the choice of study and place of study. But then I am wiser now  am no longer surprised when a relative sends their daughter for undergraduation to Toranto, Canada. I was interested in knowing what made them choose Toranto, the farthest place anybody can send their ward. The answer was almost like 'because it is there'. And another friend's son had been looking out for higher education and suddenly she declared that her son is going to New Zealand to do his masters in engineering. I was curious why New Zealand.I had never heard that it is a favoured destination for engineering studies. She said, he does not want to go to the US like everybody else and wants to try a different place. Yes, that's it, wants to buck the trend and chart a new path. So New Zealand it is, again as far away from home as possible.

I had the same reaction when ten to twelve years back a friend told me that her son is going to australia to do masters in his subject. I asked her why Australia and she said a similar reason. Her son felt everybody is going to the US, so he wanted to try a different place. After that many of my colleagues had sent their wards to australia, so it has now again become passe.

A few years back a friends daughter had gone to China for pursuing medical studies. It was not a easy decision. She was a very good student, but environment being what it is in Chennai, she could not get a medical seat on merit. So she responded to another friend's information about medical studies being good and affordable in China. With lot of trepedition and anxiety they undertook this project and now a couple of years down the line are somewhat accepting of the situation.I was looking at the map, to spot where she will be studying. It is really in the top edge of map of china and must be very very cold. My friend said the whole structure is made up of medical college, labs, students dorms, department stores and all amenities for living ,including outdoor games which are indoor.Virtually a city, but only it is very real.So they need not get out of the complex, so the extreme weather is no deterrant! So now, I wont be surprised when somebody says they are going to china for higher studies.

Africa and south america have still not come on the map of  'must go places for higher studies'. So far.

I am reminded of the huge tumult caused in extended family, friends and colleagues when D decided to go to Singapore for her undergraduate course in life sciences.That was more than 15 years ago. I had to answer a lot of 'whys' from many of them but  remember that they still sported perplexed look on their faces after I gave a detailed 'why'.

How are the children and the parents coping with the great migration is a fascinating study. Wait for the next post!

Grandmothers also need leave

After posting last mail, I realised that I have lot more to add to the topic. Thankfully I had taken voluntary retirement a few years before becoming a grandma, so I had a smooth sailing on that front. But I know of a number of my friends who had tough time to get time off from work. One friend had to get a lot of flak from her daughter, as she had to rush back to work from the US leaving behind a barely one month old child. Her daughter did not have access to any other help and my friend told me that she had to accept the situation, as she did not want to create a problem during her promotion year.
There was another friend who had a long stint of very rewarding career and well thought of by the management. But the minute she put in a bid for a 4 month leave to take care of her daughter in the US during her child birth, there was unpleasantness. She did not anticipate this, and it appeared that all the good will and good reputation did not have any value. She was told maximum two months to the day.Even one day more, then she will have to leave the job.She left the job is great disgust.

Let us shift to London. A friend of mind went there to take care of her daughter who was expecting her first child. She had just then retired, so no problem of leave there. Midwives used to come home to see the baby and the mother after the first few days in the hospital. They would all be in such praise for Indian families, where the new mother is so well taken care of , not to mention the baby also in such good care. They said in a typical London household, the new mother has to fend for herself, and many a time they are teenagers and single mothers and find it very difficult to cope.

So, what do we have here. Grandmothers always took care of new mother and baby and system worked very well. Now mothers went for job and from a 48 day leave to a year of maternity leave, Indian work environment has progressed. Then mothers expected fathers to help out during the childbirth and time thereafter.A reluctant two weeks paternity leave is granted. Now grandmothers also are in a job and they have to play the role of caregivers for her daughter.She has maternity leave and her husband has paternity leave. But grandmother has to go for work and fight hard to get any leave.

In Indian societies, the husband is many years older than the wife, he has usually retired and is playing a new role of stepping into a grandma's role however effective or otherwise it is. Yes, I have seen this also happening of late!

When I start a new venture, I will promise any lady who joins me that when she becomes a grandmother, I will generously grant her six months leave. One has to start somewhere!

Maternity leave---- paternity leave----granmother's leave

Maternity leave is a given nowadays.Except in the US of course, the most progressive, women liberated modern country on earth.
 I was working in a government company and was entitled to 90 days maternity leave. But there was a clause, 48 days have to be taken before the child birth and 42 days after child birth. It was early eighties and being first generation of women officers, we never questioned the rationale. It was very inconvenient. The government (read, men officers working in personnel department) wanted to be sure, that they did not have a problem on their hands with women coming to work in their advanced pregnancy stage. They were just about getting used to women working in offices. So they made this clause. It did not bother them that 42 days is so insufficient to leave the baby and come for work. It is also a fact that women get married and get children fairly early in their careers. So did not have much leave to fall back on.

But then some many years down the road, the rule got tweaked a bit. It was three months and you could take it whenever you want, either before or all ninety days after the birth of the baby. We thought those ladies were very very lucky, to be receiving such generous 'gift of leave' from the management. Some more years passed  by and the maternity leave was extended to six months. Our children had come to high school by then, so it did not make us feel very sorry for ourselves to have missed such golden benefits of leave. We actually felt good for other ladies who could do some justice to the child, themselves and to their work in the office. Many years later I took voluntary retirement and was looking forward to becoming a grandma and my friend from central government told me that maternity leave is now one full year. Really! I was so happy that at long last there is some understanding, that the maternity leave that you are giving to a mother is not gratis. But it is what you are investing in the future generation.

Now two weeks of paternity leave is a given atleast in government offices. I think it is the same as the 48 days before and 42 days after maternity leave that we 'enjoyed' long long ago. Some leave should be given but not sure if we are being over indulgent on our women employees was the thought thread those days. Similar thread is for paternity leave. It is now grudgingly accepted that fathers also play a role in the birth and growth of a baby. But the scene is not yet clear as to what the role is. So just a token leave of two weeks is given. But with nuclear families being the norm, this is grossly insufficient. Both the father and mother have to take care of the kid. Not only that, fathers get to be with the baby and enjoy the bonding that takes place, never mind the dark circled eyes and no sleep nights. Welcome to parenthood! I think there will be a rethinking on this and there will be a time not too far into the future when paternity leave will be atleast 6 months.

Now we come to a new concept. In Indian families, still the mother of the girl takes care of her daughter and the baby before and after child birth. This is also the generation where large percentage of women are working in offices. These mothers are going to office, when the daughter has come home. She has a big role to play in taking care of her daughter and after the childbirth, taking good care of the baby too. But she does not get any leave. Mostly I have seen that the mothers also are occupying responsible positions which does not make it easy for them to dump office and take care of home and baby. Thankfully in a particular situation, the father had retired and could lend a hand(however effective that was) in holding fort, till the mother came back from office.

So I am making a case for granny's leave. When that is granted, granddad's leave will soon follow!

Inside outside

For the last few days I make it a point to go to the temple in the evenings on the way to amma's house. I feel quite good to soak in the positive vibes inside. The temple is managed as a community activity and with very efficient management. Throughout the year, there will be some special event, festivals, music programmes or discourses or homams. Pandals will be erected and a policeman is usually seen around, as heavy crowds gather on most of the evenings. It has a small town feel inside the temple and mornings are still better. More calm and more serene and less devotees. Recently they have started a goshala also. I heard one of the trustees mentioning that it is very difficult for the cow when a stream of  devotees give 'ahathi keerai' to the cow on a single day (dhwadasi day is considered as an auspicious day to give ahathi keerai to cows)

As you come outside after a good darshan, you stop by to collect your footwear. There is a lady who manages this, let us call her R. This being a  neighbourhood temple, many of the devotees know her very well and lot of ghupshup and bonhomie is exchanged. My aunt is a regular visitor to the temple and when she saw me there actually introduced me to R!

When such friendship exists, you dont expect that a devotee, standing just a feet away from her footwear is asking R to pick it up and give to to her.  The first time I heard it I was wondering what is happening here. .All she has to do is put it on and walk away. There is no jostling crowd.I thought for a minute is the devotee in question getting any advantage in R picking up her chappal and placing it next to her.Is there any bending down and stretching up to reach the footwear, so that they seek R's help. No.

How do you explain, that just because they give her one rupee to take care of their footwear, they have the urge to make her do something to earn it.

You go to a temple and get purified inside and again make it dirty, so that they need to come again next day to purify theiir thought?

Thrilling journey

Today morning we were witness to a thrilling journey.Yes, Chiku made his way right across the room to reach the colourful streamers that were lying at the far end.

We saw him rising on all fours and twisting and suddenly sitting down a week back.A few days later, he was sitting on the bed just beside the cot. He reached out his hand and could touch the top of the bed on the cot and he just heaved himself to stand erect. We were more and more surprised because, here we are eagerly waiting for him to crawl and he is sitting and trying to stand!.

We decided  that he is going to skip the crawling stage and get up and stand and walk. Obviously we were wrong. Today morning he decided to move.It was fascinating and hilarious. He was on all fours and then made one knee touch the ground and tried to move his hands. But he could not.So put his other knee also on the ground and he was able to remove one hand and that made him go forward. So quickly the other hand and after that he lay down flat and tried to move forward on his tummy.See, the sequence reversal? The stage one of movement soon after he is able to turn and lie on his back, he is trying now.Then he moved forward a bit and then again all fours and sat down. And looked. He could see no colour. He was nearer his destination but turned his back on it. He quickly turned around , spread flat on the ground and stretched his hand and he cought it!He took the colourful streamers in both his hands and was fooling around with it, fascinated by the different colours and reflection from the streaming early morning sun and he could get his hands on it, around it and through it.He also loved the rustle the paper makes. All in all happy.

Grandparents dont require much of a drama to be thrilled.And this was a real treat!

Beware. Chiku is on the move. Parents have to immediately turn to traffic policemen on 24/7 duty!

Sravana vratham

For as long as I can remember, amma has been observing sravana vratham.It is once in 27days on the day of 'thiruonam' nakshathram. It is special day for observing salt less diet and it will please the Lord oppiliappan , as the temple makes saltless prasad to the deity.

When we were kids, our uncle used to say, today opiliappan is pleased, whenver there is less salt in any dish. He would not want to add salt, but take it as the Lord's prasad.

I have not observed this vratham except on one or two occasions. Today while tearing the day's calender,I saw it was tiruvonam nakshathram today,so I made up my mind to observe salt less diet today and for 11 more sravanams. In addition I also wanted to recite 108 hanuman chalisa slokas on that day.

I fast forwarded my yoga routines and was ready for the  sloka recitation by 8.15 in the morning. I sat cross legged on the floor  for for the first one hour and then I walked in the puja room for the next one hour.Then I again sat down and then walked and was able to complete the recitation in a little over four hours. I felt very good but quite exhausted. Had a meal of plain curd rice and some bananas. By evening I was feeling quite light headed, so tucked into a full bowl of green grapes.It is quite a challenge to be without taking salt for an entire day. I had a  katori of yam vegetable that the cook had made without salt. It tasted very good. Night dinner was pongal without salt and some curd rice.

So I have made it. Four hours of sloka recitation and saltless diet.  Now I am feeling good. It is doable but quite challenging.

Vendors are People

I worked for a long time in the corporate world. Then took voluntary retirement. It has been more than eight years and I am seeing myself change bit by bit in miniscule ways. I like the new me.It is a shade different from the old me, and I welcome the new shade.
It is like this. I used to be really busy managing home, kids and office. The vegetable vendor used to be a service provider for me. I used to relate to him so. I would just peep outside, look at the stuff on his cart and quickly order the stuff I want. He would interject with some suggestions and I would feel it is an unnecessary intrusion.Transaction over, he delivers the stuff and I hand over the money.

Now the scenario is different. The same vegetable vendor is doing the rounds now. Last few days he has not come. His wife and son who has given his school final exams are there with the cart.I am interested enough to ask them his whereabouts. The wife says, husband is not well and has diabetes and the harsh summer does not agree with him. So she picks up vegetables from a nearby shop(she cannot go to koyambedu early in the morning) and delivers it in the cart. I felt very bad, so ended up  buying a little more than what I needed.

Last few days I have become a customer of  a vegetable vendor who comes in the evenings. It is the end of the day stuff, so not really appetising. I never patronised him in the past. But now I see him, I feel he needs to sell all that he had bought in the morning, otherwise it will be a loss for him. So I end up ordering for some keerai and some sapota.He agrees to deliver it at home, as I am on my way to amma's house at that time.

I went to a upmarket vegetable shop in the neighbourhood and bought vadu maangai as it was glistening and tempting. I have never made vadu mangai till now. But I bought a kilo of the stuff. The very next day, my evening vendor asked me that I have not bought anything last two days. I said I have stuff at home. He said buy vadu mangai. I found myself not able to say no and move on. I said yes and a bit old, a bit stale and not so good one kilo of vadu mangai is sitting in my fridge. S and me talked about it and decided that the not so good ones, we can cut them into small pieces and make fresh mango pickle(the way it is done in weddings). The joke is none of us eat pickle.So you see, where I have landed myself?

I used to be fascinated with amma having a roaring personal equation and interest in every vendor. When we chat, invariably some anecdote about a vendor would crop up. So much so I used to tell her that they are your fourth and fifth kids, by the amount of interest you take in them. I am able to see that I am getting there. The vendors are becoming actual people and I am able to see them as such. They are not cogs in the wheel of managing a house.

They have now an integral part of my eco sysem. It also answers a question that used to plague my friends in the office. We do pay the maids more than some of the ladies who are managing the houses but the maids dont stick around much. I now understand that the ladies who used to manage homes full time, had time and used to treat them as people. Whereas we did not have the time and we had unknowingly commoditised them.

I have become a softie. I like the new me.

Like great grand father like kollu peran

It is quite a strange thing. As soon as amma tells me something about appa, immediately the connection to what chiku is doing comes to my mind. It is so similar. I have heard people say when people get old, they become like children. But it is more of a broad brush statement to make us compassionate to their idiosyncracies.

But now I see it is quite literally true. Take today's conversation with amma. Appa has been advised to have nestum for breakfast. Y tells me she gives nestum for chiku's bfast. Amma says she put in 3 teaspoons of nestum and Y says ditto for chikku.Amma mashes rice and dhal in a mixie and give appa his lunch. Chiku also takes now and then some rice and dhal nicely mixie fied.

If you thought the similarities end with food, you are mistaken. Amma says appa is not saying much these days which is intelligible. If only he could say what is troubling him, it will be so much easier. Y says she is facing the same issue with chiku, so they have to eliminate all possible options when he is cranky.I am waiting for him to begin talking, so that he can atleast tell us what is troubling him, she tells me.

Appa does spill food when he is eating, so we place a towel. Y does the same with chiku! Still food does get spilt anyways she says and amma agrees!

Any call to appa's home, the first question to enquire about appa, whether he had a good night sleep. We call up Y and ask her the same question about chiku.

Gopal and Krishna, kollu thatha and kollu peran, great  bonding times!

Romancing the daybreak

I got up today to the twittering sound of birds. It is a little unusual for me to wake up at 5   I am up at 3 on many days and feel miserable. I potter around the house and do every one of the stuff I have read, to enable me to go back to sleep. Other times I wake up after 6. So I dont wake up fresh and rested at 5.
 Today was an exception. I immediately went up to the terrace, coffee can wait. It was so very pleasant. The day is just starting tentatively. Summer sun in chennai is still getting its gear laced up. Very light streaks of yellow are seen in the sky. The birds are all over the place. They are chattering and going from all corners of the horizon to all other corners., just like a very capable batsman dashing off runs all over the ground. I cannot identify many birds but I spotted large number of egrets, woodpeckers, doves, mynahs and a whole lot of pretty and colourful birds. I  enjoyed looking at them as they were streaking across the sky. I actually spotted a bird carrying a twig on its beak and going and disappearing into a tall wild badam tree.

I got such a heavy scent of neem flowers which were all around the house. Each branch sported bunches of flowers and they were gently swaying in the breeze.It was heady, the scent and the beauty! Never knew that a neem tree could sport such beautiful bunch of flowers.Our neighbour's compound has a nagalingam tree and it is also in full bloom now. Rarely do we get to smell natural and organic good smells( down down deos and room freshners)  in an urban landscape and I was eager to take a noseful!

There was no sound except an eager beaver of a watchman sweeping dried leaves in the next compound. I also spotted a few other early risers doing their morning walk on their terrace, But there was silence all around except for a gentle rustle of the leaves and bird talk.

Heavenly!

A sudden realisation.Thank God

I am a student of yoga and also a teacher. Though not into heavy philosophy, some of the concepts do rub off. Many a time human behaviour is perplexing and I have been trying to find some meaning in the behaviour whenever it causes some mental disturbance.
That was an understatement. There has been some incidents and behaviours which have caused me a lot of discomfort and though I have come up with some band- aid solutions, they manage to come again and occupy my mind space after a while.
Let me explain. Somebody known to you is in some difficulty. They reach out to you for help. You immediately give them the help that they wanted. Then immediately the relationship with them sours. And simultaneously the relationship with people who bluntly refused to help soars! The first time you think you are reading too much meaning into small stuff, but then it happens over and over again with the same pattern over a number of years. Then you realise that the relationship has really gone for a toss because you helped them when they wanted help. Did not make any sense to me.

Suddenly yesterday after I finished my yoga routine, a flash of understanding came. I told myself, somebody needed help, and you helped immediately with good and genuine feeling. So your baggage of karma is reduced by the good deed. Woh! great! Transaction over. Their actions/reactions are of no relevance to you. It is coming under the realm of their karma. Let them handle it their way. You are not anywhere there. I felt so liberated and free!

Thank you teachers for enabling me to see light! And get rid of the unnecessary baggage I was carrying all these years.

Tales of evening

I spend time with amma in the evenings. Morning nurse leaves by six pm and the night nurse is not due till 8 pm. I try and make it a point to be there with amma and appa at that time. Last 5 weeks have been very difficult with appa not keeping well. There is pretty little that I could do to help appa, so I took it on myself to make amma feel lighter and relaxed.

These are the stuff I have tried.
 I have a very very old 'anchor stich kit' three fourths completed. It must be atleast three decades old and sitting in a cupboard.(You see, I have been systematically cleaning and organising and fishing out all unwanted things from cupboards last few week. More about it in another post) I fished it out and take it with me and do the cross stich patterns. Amma is a great one for embroidery and nothing pleases her more than to do it herself or now that she is not able to do it, to watch somebody do it.She keeps saying, this room has become a needlework room!

Amma usually has her pet Tv programmes.All Bhakti channels and she is upto date on which slokam comes in which channel on what date and time. So it helps that both of us sit and chant vishnu sahasranamam on saturday, hanuman chalisa on thursdays, lakshmi ashtothram on fridays. It also helps that I have effectively taken amma away from peering into all tiny tiny bound sloka books continuously keep muttering to herself. We bring some music and livelines and jollies into the sloka recitation. We also watch some carnatic music programmes and that sets her to reminise about the song, some historical tit bit about the song and the sabha and singer who sang this song, long time ago/We also get into singing some song which she remembers by the way.

Today she was remembering about radio ceylon and her favourite song when she was in school. Do aankhen baara haath and another song of ashok kumar, rel ghadi rel ghadi.She also remembers how she will wait for the most popular song of the week, to check if her choice is also the popuilar choice. This set her off on remembering her classmates and how some of them went to college and one became a teacher and another a doctor. She remembered how her school final marks were very good and her elder brother used to tell her that neither he nor any of his friends and their younger siblings have ever been able to score more marks than her." collar tooki vutundu irupen" is what he used to tell her.

Yesterday she told me she is keen on watching 'thillana mohanambal' which was relayed by sun tv. We saw it from the first frame and I found more fun and enjoyment seeing her animated and excited face, than what I found on the screen. This movie is anyday my favourite too, it is a classic and eminently watchable any number of times. But this time it was special as I could have amma's company and her genuine interest in watching every scene.

Of course we ghupshup about the day's events or what we read in the tamil hindu paper. Today was nammalwar of organic farming fame.It is his birthday today and a very nice piece about his life and passion was featured in the newspaper. Amma was saying she had written down nammalwar's email and wanted to reach out to him to congratulate him on what he was doing. But did not get around to doing it. I was telling her, he had come to the Hindu office many a time, and when I read about it I would immediately want to meet him. But never did it.

I also get some repair work done. It amazes me that even though I keep giving the same salwar suit the tailors manage to make it as per their wish. So there are a whole lot of dresses which needs some alteration or the other. They are too small to take the trouble to take it to an 'alteration tailor'.They have been piling up and cause mild irritation every time I wear them.So I put it in a bag and take it with me when I go to amma's house in the evenings. It is so comforting and companiable to have amma sit quietly and in one place(it is a miracle) and I am sewing away or removing the seems or whatever.

All in all I feel relaxed and I am able to transmit that to amma and she is also able to unwind in these stressful days. Time well spent together.

On being a caring family doctor

We have doctors in our family.And they are also family doctors. How lucky can we get? For minor health irritations to any sickness, they are there to take over the entire package of caring, treating, followup and nutritional and life style issues. We may be anywhere, a few hundred metres away or at the other tend of the globe. They are just a phone call away.

We have been utterly and thoroughly spoilt. Our world view of doctors is terribly coloured by them. I will always defend doctors whenever there is any discussion on their unethical practises and usurious ways. I would take the doctor's side and give them a peep into their life. Of course I will not defend any of the wrong practises that some doctors indulge in.

Now for the last over a month, appa has been continuously unwell and bed ridden. They have been visiting atleast thrice a day, everyday for 35 days. They also get phone updates from the nurses. They manage the nurses and their absenteism because appa cannot be without nurse help even for a few hours. They send nurses from their nursing home and take extra burden on themselves if proper help was not possible on any given day. They manage the medicines and oversee that they are delivered on time and correctly.They manage to order for an air bed and be there when it is delivered and installed. The wire ran through the room, so at 10 pm they came with sticking plasters and secured the wires, so that they dont cause any harm to amma when she is moving in the room. I had heard about the need for a sticking plaster and I bought one and was taking it the next day morning, only to find that it has already been attended to. Such attention to detail and tender loving care. They are damn good doctors of over 35 years practice.They are very caring for their parents.They give complete turnkey solution to appa's welfare, that it is simply unbelievable.

This time appa's illness has been a great challenge for them.I had a close look this time for the last 35 days and I can say with total confidence, that there cannot be any doctor who gives this level of professional care and also double up as exemplary daughter and son in law and playing the extremely tight rope walking double role to the hilt.If they get emotional then their professional judgement is impaired. But they are extremely emotionally attached to appa. So it is taking a tremendous toll on them. Whatever it takes, they are there everyday, thrice a day or more if need be and any other time on call. This is in addition to a really roaring general practice and surgical cases that they handle in their nursing home and elsewhere.

God be with them and take care of them in the way they are taking care of appa..