Kan drushti (nazar)

A baby in the house spells a total revamp of routines and also belief systems. Every household has its unique DNA of routines and systems. The baby arrives and kicks out the entire gamut of comfort zones and structures in the house. Everything revolves around the baby's needs and everyone else squeezes her time and activites deftly around the hero, Tamil filmy style.My mornings used to be quite predictable; no fixed time for getting up, get up when you feel awake; and then yoga routine. This goes on for a while and then coffee, breakfast of kanji and some dry fruits and I sit down with my feet up for Tamil Hindu. Other papers follow and then settle down comfortably with metro plus crossword. Peace and quiet and all is well with the world kind of morning. The only strenuous activity in the morning is to squeeze my head to identify items to be bought from the market.Then it is handed over to K. He starts his day with a leisurely coffee and paper and then starts out with the list to the market, at the same time also finishing his morning walk in the Indira nagar park.

Now , we dont know when the morning starts, because the night was not a peaceful slumber and with barely open eyes I come to the kitchen for my coffee. No yoga.  For K many a morning walk is compromised, but not the 'list'. He also needs to double up as errand boy inside the house. So it is the opposite of peace and quiet morning. As for putting up one's feet, no, the feet stay firmly on the ground to do the numerous sorties with the baby and for the baby.

I think you get the general idea. Utter lack of predictability is clearly established. Now let us move on to the belief systems. The baby is restless for a few days and crying without any reason. We need to buy kaajal and apply it on his forehead and cheeks. This will ward off the evil eye. But nobody came last few days that the baby was crying. No, even the mother's fond gaze is enough to bring trouble to the baby, so kaajal is a must. One of the baby set gift boxes had four black bangles, along with other routine stuff of jublas, nappies, baby oil and baby soap. We grabbed it and the baby wore it next day.The baby has a headbath routine and on those days we do an aarti and one set of black bangles have to be removed and put in the aarti plate. We have started following this  also. "Kan drushti' is removed on everyday basis, by several routines. Timing is usually evening and the baby has to be awake. It could be camphor, the block variety not the cute diamond like pieces that we usually buy. Camphor will be lit and the baby and mother are seated facing east and a specially designated person does the 'drushti warding off' act in their unique style. There is a more powerful method of using 'poo thodappam' (a variety of broom which was used in my grandmother's days, before the rangoon brooms swept the market!).Now  this type of broom has become extinct due to onset of modernisation(!), It is quite a challenge to get it.We tried all the native medicine shops in the neighbourhood;( no, it is not available in any regular departmental/neighbourhood provision stores)
Our maids were duly put on the job of looking out for this exotic and extint broom variety. One of them was successful in spotting one such shop in TVM and when she brought it home she was greeted with such joy, our neighbours  could have mistaken it for us hitting some jackpot in a tv gameshow!When last heard, amma has placed orders to get atleast two more.

I have noticed the  belief in 'nazar' is a pan Indian phenomenon. My Bengali friend use to apply kaajal on her boy bay's forehead and cheeks and drive her Christian friends curious as to why is applying bindi on her baby boy.

My logic and rationale for the 'kan drushti' phenomenon. Thought waves are powerful. So when someone looks at us, some thought waves do pass between them and us. In adults the thought waves have equal strength, so can withstand any adverse impact.
But in an infant any adverse thought wave can have adverse effect. Black is supposed to deflect the adverse thoughts and hence its impact on the baby.

We have bought into this belief system totally. Anything for the welfare of the baby is the motto. We are also told, that if we do these routines, whether we believe it or not, kan drushti will be cast away and the baby will be fine!.





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Being a grandmother; Now

Grandmother is no longer someone else with grey hair, but you. Very pleased with it though.But  old habits die hard and I do catch myself  at times referring  to ' an old lady around sixty.'

Amma had naturally got into the role, and it took a bit of mental training for me to learn to bathe the baby.I asked amma the technique in bathing an infant and she in her characteristic way told me, since you are in the hospital, watch the nurses bathe infants and pick it up from there. I watched with horror the way they held a day old baby by the scruff of the neck and give a quick wash down in less than two minutes. I was sure I would not want to pull that off, so looked for props. I remember seeing my friend's daughter having a sliding board sort of contraption while bathing her child. So I went to the baby shop nearby and asked for it.Yes, it is available and I was so happy that I would be able to pass the most important test. I have seen my mother put the baby on her legs.I felt quite nervous to try it. The bathing board was very useful and got me off to a flying start. After a few days we started giving oil massage to the baby.And when I put him down on the board, he was nicely sliding up and down and making it impossible to bathe him properly. It was also slightly risky. I also now have experience by my side, so I decide to do the 'baby on my legs' experiemnt.It was a grand success. Our grandmas have mastered and perfected the technique, with stuff available in hand(or one's legs to be precise!) The blue board from that day has been confined to behind a cupboard and will lie there unused and cast away till thatha does one of  his clean up act a few months hence.

Amma has been part of a joint family in the earlier years of her married life. So I sat and counted how many kids were at home at one point of time, when I was an infant. We were ten of us all under 10 years of age.Naturally amma was quite comfortable taking care of my children and she used to have an elan about it. Here I am being part of a nuclear family and my experience is one fifth of my mothers. It shows. I don't take a definite stand on dos and donts. I do repeat parrot like what amma tells me when I refer to her every now and then, But am completely stumped when I am questioned as to the rationale of an action. So D and me refer to the book on 'what to expect in the first year of the child'. We both get wiser simultaneously! There is also the internet which we referred for the first time when the baby was crying non stop for an extended period of time. Whether it helped soothe the child or not I am not sure, but it definitely gave us some perspectives; babies will cry, sometimes with reason and sometimes just to communicate something.Not all crying needs to be addressed.Some of them need to be diverted or allowed to run their course. Amma never had to refer to the internet, the bawling kid would be naturally passed on from one elder to the next and somewhere along the way would be pacified  or diverted by some other kid.

It is amazing the same sutra for child rearing and taking care of a new mother, are almost always the same across India. Nothing is written down, but dutifully passed on from one generation to the other through the female chain of course! Doctors dont very much stress 'pathiya saapadu' but there are enough experts who say, it is always a safe option. Doctors those days were not as inclusive as they are now. They gave curt instructions and we never saw them after discharge from the hospital. Now we go to the doctor for all sorts of doubts. Earlier it was what the  grandmother said and it was done, period.

I do think there is a need to temper the do's and dont's . Like the one about not leaving the baby's clothes in the clothesline after dark. It does not make any sense in today's apartment culture. I guess earlier they used to be in the backyard, which used to be ill lit and animals and birds and insects used to freely roam around after dark. So it was that accidentally we might use a cloth which has  a creepy crawly in it. There is the taboo that the mother and baby should not go out anywhere after it is dark.Same logic, one would not know what one would encounter in earlier times when there was no street light. Now when they are going out in the well lit city roads and more so in cars or personal transport, it does not make any sense to say it shall not be done,
It is good D is raising these issues and we are able to think and follow which of the hand me down wisdoms are relevant now. Once she is convinced after the mental acrobatics, she happily follows them .
Now I am sure that the path of reason is well lit when she dons grandmas hat!

Being a grandmother ; then

Having clocked 50 days of experience as a grandmother, I was left wondering about the changes in the role of the grandmother in the last few decades. For a first, I thought my mother was really old and wise when she became a grandmother for the first time, when my son was born. She was all of 45 years old. But I recall that I used to believe she was the last word as far as any doubt that I had about my baby and all the dos and donts associated with my new role. She said I should stay inside the room for 45 days and not stir out except for taking my meals(exclusively) in the dining hall.No, the windows wont be kept wide open to let in fresh air and sunlight. They will be tightly shut and to top it, I used to sleep under a mosquito net with the baby!No air conditioning then and definitely no mosquito repellents. I never questioned my mother's wisdom but took it that she is saying it in my best interest. Being a first time mother was so very new and totally out of my comfort zone.I willingly handed over my life for the next few months to my mother. On an odd occasion when I had some doubts, there was the 'athai patti' to smooth over the differences and give expert advice.When my husband used to come on a visit, he would be aghast at the cloistered space and open up the windows when my mother was not around.Childbirth or not, he was not willing to settle for unhealthy environment. Amma used to not particularly look forward to his visits!

Mealtime used to be quite different from the routine. I will be served first, and most lovingly by amma.Pathiya samayal used to taste so good and wholesome and healthy and with lots of ghee I used to really look forward to meal times. Dinner will be served by 7 pm and no buttermilk or curd, but only rice with milk to finish off the meal. I developed a taste for paal sadam much to the astonishment of my younger sister, who would wonder how I can enjoy such 'yuck'. In the night when I used to feel quite hungry, amma used to mix viva with hot water and sugar. There was no fridge and no concept of powder or tetra pack milk.

Baths used to be very regulated affairs, there was strict rules for when I can have an oil bath and when the baby can be given a whole body bath. Oil bath used to be an elaborate ritual. Athai patti used to start the process of lighting the  'kumutti' (the charcoal stove)  a good half hour before the appointed time. By the time I come out of the bath, the kumutti would be red hot and glowing with sambirani powder all ready. I would have a good go at inhaling the sambirani..Then the most relaxing ritual of drying my hair would start. A bamboo basket specially got up for this occasion would be tilted over the stove with sambirani spread on the charcoals. I would lie down with my head resting on the basket and athai patti would lovingly spread my hair all over the basket.Sambirani smoke will be all over my hair and my head would get nicely warm from the lit charcoal. It will be so very soothing that I would many a time doze off. Lunch would invariably have seeraka rasam or kanda thipli rasam on oil bath days.

A somewhat similar procedure would be for the baby. Only, no bamboo basket part. Small cotton threads would be used to clean up the nostrils and the baby would have his customary drushti pottu in black and most generally smeared with johnson baby powder with a nice powder puff!
The bathing ritual for the baby used to scare my husband no end. The water will be very very hot and he would say very plaintively, you are not bathing the baby, you are baking him! But his voice was not heard and quickly brushed aside, as he would not know a thing about what is good for a baby. So he used to avoid being present on those occasions. The baby would be lying prone on amma's outstretched legs and I used to pour the steaming water. Amma said such hot water was to stimulate the baby's nervous and muscular systems and also to soothe the baby. I accepted it as gospel truth.

Scene change. Decades roll over. I am now the  grandmother facing new challenges to my 'handed down wisdom of baby and new mother care"!

There is a world outside!

An infant at home is a full time job for three! There is the mother who is on call 24/7. She cannot have a time out or disengage mentally and physically from the baby atleast in the first few weeks( We will come back later after a few more weeks for updates) D felt even when she was doing her masters programme and had her lifescience lab work go on endlessly, she was never on 24/7 schedule.

There is me of course, the new patti. I am there for D and also for the baby when D has to take a so so short break or attend to her basic needs. And whatever time is squeezed out after this is for all other activities which used to fill up my time earlier to the grand arrival of the baby.

Then there is the father of the baby. He fills in with holding and rocking the baby on a full time basis.Our baby does not know how to go to sleep. So the father rocks him. sings to him. speaks to him continuously and that apparently helps him go into stupor and lulls him to sleep.

And part time job for the thatha. He has to fetch and ferry endessly from the market and also inside the house, the numerous things such a tiny infant manages to want. He has to drive D and baby whenever they need to visit the doctor.

And of course not to mention the paid help of a maid and a cook.

And so it was that our life was revolving around the baby completely we forgot there is a world outside. We felt we cannot move out, anybody wants to meet us has to come home. My brother's family had come visiting and would call on us everyday and sometimes more than once in a day to spend time with us. It was on the day they were leaving and he called up to take leave, I realised he is staying just a few hundred metres from our house and why can we not go and personally bid him and his family good bye.   And so it was that D and her husband went on the first foray outside the house in one and a half months. They were quite nervous, but as it happened the baby was picture of good behaviour and slept through the time they were away. 1 brownie point earned!

Now that the myth was broken, they went for a short walk the next day. It was to be only for half hour, as the baby was cranky during the day and his feed was due any time. But they felt brave enough to squeeze that half hour. Baby again was the picture of perfect behaviour and earned his second brownie point!( they told me they had chikku milk shake. For the uninitiated, the baby is called chikku)So obviouly though they were physically away from the baby, he was very much part of their thought process.

And yesterday it was again an impromptu occasion. D decided to go the airport to see off her husband. Chikku timed his waking up and feeding to the finest detail, so much so she could do the trip comfortably and be back without any major catastrophy striking 16 subra. When the baby woke up and before he could get into his screaming fit, I had a master plan to give him a bath. Thatha was drafted in to help out in pouring the water. It is his first experience in bathing an infant, but he was willing to do anything to tide through the situation. So it was that the baby enjoyed the leisurely oil massage(I took my time about it) and the bath that followed. And wait, after we towelled him and put on fresh clothes, he just slept off. Yes, he just closed his eyes and slept. It was such a wonder and never has it happened earlier, that thatha and patti stood and gazed at him and gazed at each other and grinned. We had a fine story to tell D when she came back sometime later and now she looked at the baby and looked at both of us and grinned. Yes we made a spectacle.
So the third brownie point was won handsomely!

sound and light show

Chikku is growing up, just like that , right in front of our eyes. Yes, we call him chikku and he really is quite chikku(small). He is slowly tasting the flavour of the place and the environment.

For deepavali we had strung up some colourful streamers on the walls. They nicely swing and sway in the breeze. Chikku was lying down on his back and generally gazing around. He spotted the colour and the movement of the streamers and his hands and legs started moving rhythmically and he started cooing,  'nga' 'gu gu' .His face was all lit up and he was focussing on the streamer show. We believed (from well thumbed books and seniors!) that the baby 6 weeks old can only gaze 3 feet distance. Just enough to see the mother's face when she is holding him in her lap . But then the streamers were a good 8 to 10 feet away. He could see them alright. So I told D, see your boy is well ahead of milestones!

So for the last few days we get tremendous kick keeping him there when he is in a good mood and watch him entertain himself (and entertain all of us eager watchers!)

He has been fascinated by lights in the room for a while now, and however much we try he will turn his face towards the source of light and look intently at it.Similar behaviour when he looks at the bright sunlight streaming in through the windows.D is a great fan of bright sunlight and rooms airy and lots of light. Like mother , like son.

Last night we were sitting around him and trying to make him play with some toys. There was a 'thanavur bommai' type of doll, which would also make a tingling sound in addition to swaying and coming back straight up when you push it lightly. It happened to be near his feets and he accidently kicked it. He heard the sound and was immediately excited and pushed his feet fast to see if the sound is repeated. Yes it did  and slowly you could see his face getting more and more animated and legs kicking out with more force. Just for fun, we pushed it a little away, so that he needs to change the direction of kick to locate it. He tried a few times in the same way, did not hear the sound, and in frustration was throwing his hands and feet haywire and hey! one such kick hit the doll. His face lit up and he tried to coordinate to kick again. He got it once more after a few false starts. By which time D said, too much excitement for today, so we calm him down.

We tried to take a video of this, but in my excitement i was viewing rather than pressing the video record button.

Not to worry, he would do it again, and we will be more alert to record the same the next time.

This is 16/6 subra's own 'sound and light show'!

Baby's first date with immunisation

24th October.
The baby is 45 days old and was to have his second date with   immunisation. The first was soon after birth given the next day while in the hospital. We were quite busy with handling everyday issues and with deepavali to add excitement, immunisation looked like a dragon whose arrival can be avoided or atleast deferred.

So it was with D who vehemently opposed the idea of her tiny baby being poked. She came up with enough original excuses to defer the event. Mentally she was not prepared for it, I could make out. She started with , there is nothing so sacrosanct about the 45th day, a few days this way or that should not cause any harm. When I said, no 45th day is sacrosanct, she came out with it is raining heavily, the baby already has enough change in weather to cope, we should not overburden his system. I said, but rains were there till last night.You can see the sun coming out of the clouds, see in the eastern sky. She then tried a highly sentimental angle. Baby's father is here for a few days, he would be heart broken to see his baby suffer the after effects of immunisation. So let us do it after he leaves. I said yes, but look at it from the baby's angle;he baby will feel comforted to be with his father during the trauma of being poked at. She could not agree more.

She had by then exhausted her excuses and then latched on to getting a more favourable location. She said we can get it done in chitti's clinic. But then chitti saw the elablrate immunisation schedule and said it is better to go to the hospital and get the original pediatrician there to administer it. D then told me  let us go to our neighbourhood  so friendly pediatrician.I said but last time we went he said he was going to sabari malai and will come two/three days after deepavali. She said let us check. Check, she did and came back crestfallen. She said the doctor was just getting back from sabarimalai and had a whole retinue of coconut breaking and aarti taking while he was entering his house. She did not want to hail him and ask him if he can take a commercial break from his religious activity and quickly complete the baby's immunisation.

So it was that I called up the hospital and fixed up appointment for 1 pm. Taking an infant out is no easy task and every one of us squirrel like  pitched in (the help squirrels gave in building a dam in ramayana, to be more precise) And off the retinue went with thatha driving.

All was quiet and I quickly grabbed my forty winks. The party arrived back and had nice stories to tell. I could see my daughter was relaxed and the baby was snoozing in his father's arms. D said the baby did not cry when they administered 3 injections in his thighs and also the oral polio drops. They are now injecting painless injections she told me. And also the injections mute the reactions the body's system brings on, like fever, aches and pains. I did not get the science of it , but I am very thankful for any discrease in acute discomfort that the tiny infant will go through. Hats off to the scientists/admin guys and pharma companies and govt which made these innovations possible.

Half a day and a night into the injections, his body was warm he  was having discomfort but was not wailing and crying.He wanted to be held and held close. He was wimpering which broke his mother's heart and put me on duty to hold the baby even after he had slept soundly in my arms last night. He is under so much trauma mummy, please comfort him, she told me. Baby's parents played lots of old tamil songs to soothe the baby and also to soothe themselves! When he is crying for his feed, his wail is more plaintive and less demanding.
Being so 'paavam' does not sit well with his character!

Deepavali with the baby

The new arrival at 16 subra, joined us to celebrate deepavali this year. He is so tiny, just six weeks old. Years hence he will be wielding the giant match stick and blasting crackers in the roadside. Years later he cannot wait for deepavali to go shopping for the latest crackers hitting the market. Years later he would want trendy and latest fashion outfits for deepavali. Years later he would wait for the long holidays of deepavali to be with his grandparents. Years later he would be jabbering non stop on the phone/skype or any other latest communication tool to share his excitement as a run up to deepavali. Years later he would come back home grubby and hair all ruffled and demand his share of sweets and other eatables and having had his fill, will grab some more and rush out.

But for now, he slept through the morning  and had a nalangu done on his so so tiny feet. He had his ganga snanam in proper way with his mom singing 'ksheerabdi kanyakaku' and tenderly massaging oil on his body and scalp. He wore new dress alright; yes one among the 51 new dresses that he has acquired in such a short time. He then kept me and my daughter busy with his gimmicks, with the result, it was a while before I had my snanam and much later his mom was able to have hers. All set for 'legiyam' which we dutifully consumed. Junior would get his in due course!

All the calls from family and friends right from morning were about how the baby is coping with the noise.They gave free advice as to how to handle the situation!
In the evening the noise levels in the colony rose up alarmingly. D had already done some spadework and identified one room on the groundfloor which was relatively sound proof. So the baby and mother took refuge there and entertained themselves. Soon our neighbours knocked on the door and asked solicitously how the baby was coping up with the noise. We said he is so far managing okay. They said they are only doing some ground chakras and flower pots inside the compound. Not to stop with that they had gone out and requested the neighbours to take their loud crackers a little farther away as there is a tiny baby in the house. So touched. So touched that we really have good neighbours!

Later in the evening we had our rockets and flower pots and ground chakram session in the terrace.  While the flower pots, the giant ones were really good, the rockets were a bit of a disappointment. A giant rocket called '3 shots' promised to be the best for the day, but turned out otherwise. It did not rise, but burst on the ground and sent splinters all over. We were aghast and took shelter just in time in the staircase  headroom. We saw lots of 'vaana vedikai'  and enjoyed the sky all around being lit up with some fire works or the other from the enthusiastic neighbourhood.

We took turns in being with the baby. He was peaceful looked around.He could spot smiling faces and new ones every few minutes. He enjoyed being the centre of attention and attraction. Kaju kathlis and thathai and murukku were duly consumed and that was curtain down for this edition of deepavali.

smiling and cooing

The two mothers had a short leisure time a few days back on a monsoon evening. Yes, the baby was surprisingly cosily asleep and the weather made both of us quite relaxed and mellow. It has been a bit of hectic times when we were running around like headless chickens, so this time out was a welcome change. My daughter was leafing through a book her friend had given her, a much thumbed book I could see! There, she chanced upon some milestones for a month old baby. It went something like this... the baby will start recognising the mother's face and start cooing contentedly. D felt very sad that the baby has crossed the one month mark, but she was nowhere near being gazed at, smiled at and cooed to boot!

She did take heart from the fact that he was doing so many activities which are not mentioned in the book. Like driving a truck; well lying on his back and using all of his hands and feet in a simulated environment as though driving a truck, if you want to be too fussy about it. He will kick his feet slowly at first and he will then speed up and with the increase in speed his right hand will start rhythmic motion of steering the wheel and the left hand will start changing the gear. The scene will be so realistic that we used to look forward to this action and watch him performing. Of course this is no free entertainment, it is a prelude to frustration and loud wails for his food!

Then there are the great grunts that he is famous for. Not to mention low growls and angry scowls. Of the navarasas he could not do smilies, and  sringara, but to make up for it he had many different abhinaya for anger, frustration, despair, what have you. He is exploring a whole new range in natyashastra!

So, coming back to the point, she was frustrated that he was not showing any signs of smiling or cooing.

It was as though he heard her and wanted to show he is such a good boy. The next day morning  we  were both sitting down with the baby and out of the blue he opened his mouth wide and let out a huuuuge grin! We just could not believe it and kept staring at each other and at the baby. D was waiting for it to turn into a shouting match or a crying soprano, but no, it remained a grin and then a wide smile and then stopped with contented cooing...D asked is this what they call cooing in that book. I said yes, this is cooing no doubt about that. He kept cooing and cooing and coming out with lots of variations of the same. Each time D would ask, is this cooing. I would say, see, he is so contented also. After a while he stopped the entertainment and went back to his usual grunts. D was very eager if even this can be classified as cooing. I said I draw a line here, grunt can never be classified as cooing, so there you are. But it was a masterful performance alright and we felt a rainbow had entered our hearts. A baby smiling melts you, but our baby, with a stern and serious face in his first month brought all the more cheer.
God bless!

Monsoon breaks over Chennai

The day started bright and sunny,Actually too bright and white! The baby enjoyed his sun bath as we had shielded his face from the bright light. I am also getting the much needed vitamin d by hanging around the baby during this morning sun bath time. I dont enjoy going out in Chennai sun and usually stir out not earlier than late evening. I have been told that I need the sunlight on a regular basis. My daughter has also been told to take a walk for sometime in the morning/evening sun it will do her bones good..She went to the terrace and had a good sun walk routine.

We had our pile of washed clothes ready to be strung up for drying in the terrace and suddenly  big drops of water fell from the sky. The monsoon was expected to hit the city on sunday as it had crossed thailand and heading towards andamans yesterday. It seems to have done a vey quick work of crossing bay of bengal and landing in chennai today.

In no time the skies opened up and rain was pouring in buckets. It is such a pleasure to watch the first monsoon showers. By 3 pm it was pitch dark and humidity was high. The baby seemed to welcome the monsoon with nicely curling up and sleeping in the 'tooli'. Perfect weather was curling up with a book and light crispy snacks. Baby did not seem to mind having the same meals delivered on call, (or yell!) day after day, monsoon or sunshine!

We celebrated the day with Belgian  chocolate chip icecreams that my son had bought a few days back. Our son in law a pucca mumbaikar told us that they welcome monsoon with icecreams and so we did the same this time in Chennai!

Tuned in

My daughter is getting pretty tuned in to the baby. Just 37 days into motherhood and she is quickly picking up the subtle cues that make us the mothers that we are. We are not very conscious about this but I guess being the sole provider and protector of such a tiny infant, we subconsciously look for clues to tell us what is needed for the baby.As our doctor said, any cry of an infant is a means of communication.

Last night like many other nights was a blur. She fed the baby and was holding him upright. He let out a burb and after that he was again wriggling. She told me, he is wriggling means he needs to burp some more, so please hold him upright and help him to burp! I was pretty impressed. For me his wriggle did not appear to be any different from other times when burp was not imminent. And usually it is one burp for this baby. But then within a few minutes the baby let out a huge burp and then quietened down immediately. My daughter let out a sigh and rolled over to catch some sleep. I was busy feeling pretty impressed that she has got under the skin of her new role!

Of course she is able to differentiate the different types of yells/wails/cries. For me most of the time it is crying and my problem solving instinct kicks in and I start trying all options one by one. She eliminates most of the them and zeroes in on the possible cause. Yesterday he was crying for ostensibly no reason.She told me within a short time he is going to pass urine, you watch out! And surely he did. Body language communication at its best!

Like this time early morning.She finished feeding him and said just hold him for a while, he should sleep off soon and should continue sleeping atleast for 2 hours! How does she know that. And as if to prove a brownie point with mommie, the fellow did fall asleep immediately and had solid over 2 hours sleep, without as much as a single stir.No, the baby does not do this deep sleep act after every feed or after every other feed. It is a rare event, so it shows she is pretty tuned in !

Sun bath

Babies are exposed to sun in the mornings as vitamin d is beneficial for them. When my daughter was getting discharged from the hospital, one of the instructions was to give the baby a sun bath for half hour every morning. I was wondering if it was okay to take the tiny infant to the terrace and expose him to the elements as it were. My sister clarified that we should do it inside the house when the morning rays of the sun stream in to the house.

She said that I should have him in my lap, shield his eyes from the sun and he should be bare bodied. Fifteen minutes of sun bathing lying on his back and another fifteen minutes of sun bath while lying on his stomach.

We have taken her instructions quite seriously and our morning routine is quite geared towards the sun bath ritual.After a lot of back and forth arguments to decide the perfect spot inside the house, we zeroed in on a spot in the guest bedroom where sun's rays fall at the right time, between 7.30 and 8 am. Our most important job in the morning is to spot the sun's rays and quickly alert all concerned to gear up for the ritual. While all of us are tuned in, the 'hero' has his own mind. He would be fast asleep at the crucial time. Since he sleeps so less, we do not have the heart to wake him up. It is a  moral tussle between what is good for him in the long run(sun bath) and what is good for us in the short run(he should continue his sleep).He is sometimes feeding and soon after feeding is not a very good time to toss his around and put him through the wringer of a sun bath. So we try to do it prior to his feed time. We tried this a few times and given up as a lost case. While we are thinking of sun bathing him, his only thought is 'food'. If he is not whimpering and crying, he is busy trying to grab every available stuff into his mouth, while includes, the wraparound shawl, or his thatha's fingers or his toes and fingers. He is also constantly wriggling and thatha finds it a challenge to hold him in position.Yes, you got it, thatha has been drafted in and he quite enjoys the same, especially  on the days he is quiet and contented and contemplative and just stares at thatha fixedly.

It is usually the time my daughter gets to freshen up and have her coffee/milk and fortify herself  with sathu maavu  kanji. I am usually hanging around to come to thatha's rescue when the baby slides down his lap or tries to overturn or do anything to cause him alarm!

The recent cyclone in Andhra meant a few days of cloudy weather in chennai, and it was 'holiday' for sun bath. We were not very happy, as we look forward to this happy and healthy time with the child and the sun.

It has also meant that the family gets its dose of  vitamin d as a desirable spin off!

Wit's end  - day

With an infant at home, everyday is different. Yesterday was such a day that from early morning he was keeping all of us at home on our toes.Yes, literally. He would not stop screaming if we keep him lying down on the bed. So we tried diverting him. But how do you divert a one month old infant.He does not focus and see anything and cannot see colours.You can't take him for a ride in a scooter and keep him quiet.  My daughter quickly referred her handbook on 'what to expect in the first year of your baby' and said, we adults have been hardwired in such a way that we cannot tolerate the cry of an infant.So this is God's way of ensuring a hapless creature has some hold on the adults who take care of him! Amazing!
So,we were frantic.I tried all tricks that popped up in my head to soothe the baby. My daughter said whatever I am doing is stimulating the child and not soothing him! So she tried soothing him. The grandfather was also running around and fetching stuff from ground floor. He could not bear the crying so, tried to do a vamoosing act. He said dont you need anything to be bought from the market? Normally I always have a ready list of items to be got from 'nilgiris' the super shop in the neighbourhood. But yday I ran out of ideas and for once he was not happy to be left scot free! So he tried the next best thing of rushing off to work two hours early.

A good oil massage and a hot water bath just continued the screaming. We hoped that after this and a feed he should be out for the next few hours happily sleeping. But he dozed for exactly ten minutes and continued the mukhari raga where he left off.

By evening my daughter was all hot and sweaty and decided to cool off in the terrace.She had a bright idea, why dont I take the baby also to the terrace. My immediate reaction was such a small baby should not be exposed to the elements as it were. But then I was also willing to try anything. So we wrapped him up in my cotton dupatta and sent him to the cool outdoors. I just took a few minutes off and I was most surprised to see the mother and son happily enjoying the evening breeze.What a sight it was.Was he screaming for getting some fresh air? We would not know. It is a useful point to remember next time he becomes unmanageable.

In the meantime I had fixed up with my sister to go to the paediatrician. So we went. Throughout the drive and while waiting in the garden there, our baby was comfortably sleeping in my dupatta wraparound. What a marvel! My daughter actually asked me, 'please tell me, why have we come here for a consult?"

The doctor is a friend of the family and also quite a cool old man.He had just one look at the baby and  told my daughter your baby is fine.Screaming is a communication, not to worry.Try to rule out possible causes. If he does not sleep much, then you be happy you have  a very bright boy! Try the kangaroo type of hugging him and putting him to sleep, try some soothing music in the room. If he asks for feed every hour give him, you are an AVM! He is gaining weight since last visit, nothing to worry.

The baby continued its angelic behaviour on the way back and since then throughout the night.

I am having time to sit and post this, so it is obvious that peace is reigning and all of us are friendly and not frantic and scampering like headless chickens!








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First smile

This was a much touted event by the kollu pattis. At the end of one month the baby will look at the mothers face and smile. We were eagerly awaiting the event and yesterday it happened just like that. Krish gave a  real beatific smile. I could not believe that such a charm is possible and that creasing and uncreasing of a few facial muscles could bring such a joy in our heart. It is said that one forgets all cares of the world, when a baby smiles. I cannot agree more with this sentiment. My daughter clicked a photo and then immediately as if to appreciate her efforts he gave one more flash. It really made our day. The father has promised to throw a party to celebrate the event!

Last few days he has been turning towards light and brightness. He is so fascinated that he crooks his neck at such a acute angle just to keep turning towards the light. His vision is only half a foot, just to see the mother who is holding him, we were told. But then how does he turn towards the light which is a couple of feet away. Regarding sound, my daughter was discreetly doing what Jaya bahaduri and sanjeev kumar used to do to their kid. Make some sounds near the baby and see if he is turning his head towards the source of sound. He was doing nothing of that kind. She and her husband were secretly concerned. But then after 15 days the baby used to be startled by any metallic sounds. In our houses vessels making noise when the maid is cleaning, or when we are picking it up is always a background noise.So we were told to develop new skills of softening out these harsh sounds anywhere near the baby's vicinity. We try but many a time fail and get a round shelling from my daughter. People dont seem to remember there is a small baby in the house, they are going about bindaaz she used to keep saying. But then I am happy that she is not secretly trying out various sounds to see if the baby can hear!

One month, important milestone. Sleepless nights and half awake days will continue for two months we are told.

We are enjoying having visitors  all of them quite close to the family.It is really good that the baby has made it possible for us to meet in such a relaxed way and we are able to catch up with them and have fun times(if the baby sleeps for a while when they are there0

Northern lights in Chennai

Gone are the regular night and day routines. Suddenly it is like we are in Norway and it is day throughout the day and night also. The sun is not shining though, but our baby keeps us all awake and lights in all rooms are on. Yes, it is the opposite of 'earth hour'. We pick him up and rock him back and forth and after that for a few times, we feel like taking a stroll in the house. And then when that floor has worn out by use , we take him to the ground floor and make a merry go round of the rooms, dont mind if someone is trying to sleep through the ear piercing yells that the baby is bleating out. We change positions, hold him upright, sideways, tilted 30 degrees forward, hug him close to the chest, rock him back and forth holding both our arms around him.Then the yelling does not abate, so one of us comes out with maybe a lullby is called for. I had meticulously revised neelambari raga songs especially for the demands of such times. So I start slowly singing the songs, one by one. The baby is surprised at the sudden change and is staring at me, wide eyed, forgetting to yell for just 30 seconds. I take it that he does not fancy shyama shastris keertana and switch to melodious bharatiyar songs. The yell is kept up steadily. That is when my daughter after referring to the internet comes out with a solution.She says the babies get stimulated by songs, we must monotonously chant one or two words , repeatedly and by sheer boredom the baby will doze off.

To give a head start, she starts with  the jingle, 'jill jill jillu' saying she has lifted it out of the gibberish I spout at the baby. So it is now patented. She tried it and  says it has a good success rate. The same stuff I tried today morning, but failed. My daughter says I say jill jill jillu in such a soft voice, that the baby is straining itself to decipher what it is and hence not lulled to sleep. Be louder she tells me. So I raise my volume and chant 'JILL JILL JILLU" non stop for the next 10 minutes, walking in circles around the house. No success with the baby yelling. Yes, my daughter now tells me, I am chanting with a fast beat, I should be slowwwwwwwwwly chanting. My look of exasperation drove her crazy and she said, give the baby to me, I will coo all I can to put him to sleep.

I get on with my routine (which has been standstill since morning) and I am able to hear total silence behind closed dooors on the first floor. Is the magic cooing helping? wait and see.

promotion and posting

I have taken over charge of a new post of  grandmother exactly one month back. For my promotion I did not get any communication from the authorities concerned. It can be forgiven as the authority was very busy sleeping through the trauma of coming out into this world and simultaneously creating so many promotions across the khandaan! My daughter became amma and my son in law appa and my huband a proud thatha. My son got annointed as mama and my parents became glorious 'kollu thatha and patti'.My sister became kutti patti and she is beaming. My brother is not going to like this but he is a mama thatha now, gone are the days of being the 'mama' and the preferred one at that on all auspicious occasions. And wait, my two nieces who are 14 and 15 years old are going to be 'chittis'.

Everybody takes charge of the new post immediately, there is no acceptance letter and travel to the new post. However congratulatory messages are flowing thick and fast from all family and friends.
I saw the transformation of my daughter to a mother in a split second ! Nature is powerful! My son in law was beaming and calling people continuously on his phone. Kutti patti was part of the medical team in the labour room, so she and the new father were there in the 'inner cirlce' when the promotion was being finalised!

The thatha  is a very busy man and so is the mama. They were doing regular sorties to and from home to hospital for the next few days.And for me it was a whirl. I saw the baby and said, it is so small. I had forgotten what it is to hold a one hour old infant in my hands. Kutti patti helped the new mother get a hang of her new role.  A steady stream of 'kollu pattis' made visits to hospital. Yes the baby has three kollu pattis and one kollu thatha. Lucky brat! My mother was the most excited of them all and arrived in the hospital with a nurse in toe, within a few hours of accepting the post! " tala kaal puriyala amma ku". And hold your breadth, he has a 'chinna ellu patti'! Yes, my mother's chitti. Plan to take him and get her blessings after three months.