Being a grandmother ; then

Having clocked 50 days of experience as a grandmother, I was left wondering about the changes in the role of the grandmother in the last few decades. For a first, I thought my mother was really old and wise when she became a grandmother for the first time, when my son was born. She was all of 45 years old. But I recall that I used to believe she was the last word as far as any doubt that I had about my baby and all the dos and donts associated with my new role. She said I should stay inside the room for 45 days and not stir out except for taking my meals(exclusively) in the dining hall.No, the windows wont be kept wide open to let in fresh air and sunlight. They will be tightly shut and to top it, I used to sleep under a mosquito net with the baby!No air conditioning then and definitely no mosquito repellents. I never questioned my mother's wisdom but took it that she is saying it in my best interest. Being a first time mother was so very new and totally out of my comfort zone.I willingly handed over my life for the next few months to my mother. On an odd occasion when I had some doubts, there was the 'athai patti' to smooth over the differences and give expert advice.When my husband used to come on a visit, he would be aghast at the cloistered space and open up the windows when my mother was not around.Childbirth or not, he was not willing to settle for unhealthy environment. Amma used to not particularly look forward to his visits!

Mealtime used to be quite different from the routine. I will be served first, and most lovingly by amma.Pathiya samayal used to taste so good and wholesome and healthy and with lots of ghee I used to really look forward to meal times. Dinner will be served by 7 pm and no buttermilk or curd, but only rice with milk to finish off the meal. I developed a taste for paal sadam much to the astonishment of my younger sister, who would wonder how I can enjoy such 'yuck'. In the night when I used to feel quite hungry, amma used to mix viva with hot water and sugar. There was no fridge and no concept of powder or tetra pack milk.

Baths used to be very regulated affairs, there was strict rules for when I can have an oil bath and when the baby can be given a whole body bath. Oil bath used to be an elaborate ritual. Athai patti used to start the process of lighting the  'kumutti' (the charcoal stove)  a good half hour before the appointed time. By the time I come out of the bath, the kumutti would be red hot and glowing with sambirani powder all ready. I would have a good go at inhaling the sambirani..Then the most relaxing ritual of drying my hair would start. A bamboo basket specially got up for this occasion would be tilted over the stove with sambirani spread on the charcoals. I would lie down with my head resting on the basket and athai patti would lovingly spread my hair all over the basket.Sambirani smoke will be all over my hair and my head would get nicely warm from the lit charcoal. It will be so very soothing that I would many a time doze off. Lunch would invariably have seeraka rasam or kanda thipli rasam on oil bath days.

A somewhat similar procedure would be for the baby. Only, no bamboo basket part. Small cotton threads would be used to clean up the nostrils and the baby would have his customary drushti pottu in black and most generally smeared with johnson baby powder with a nice powder puff!
The bathing ritual for the baby used to scare my husband no end. The water will be very very hot and he would say very plaintively, you are not bathing the baby, you are baking him! But his voice was not heard and quickly brushed aside, as he would not know a thing about what is good for a baby. So he used to avoid being present on those occasions. The baby would be lying prone on amma's outstretched legs and I used to pour the steaming water. Amma said such hot water was to stimulate the baby's nervous and muscular systems and also to soothe the baby. I accepted it as gospel truth.

Scene change. Decades roll over. I am now the  grandmother facing new challenges to my 'handed down wisdom of baby and new mother care"!