appa my teacher, guide and friend

Appa is no more. I was his first  child. I have spent huge chunk of my adolescent life in his company.Surprised? But that is appa. Everyday of my college life, we have gone out for walk together. Well almost everyday, count out one or two days in a year out for some contingencies. Amma has taught me how to live by living it. Appa has taught me how to live by living such a life and also taking the effort and patience to talk to me and guide me and clear my foggy head of all adolescent doubts and fears.

While in school thatha was at home. So it used to be walks with thatha. They were great. But thatha used to be silent most of the time and at other times will just ask me about my day in school and about humdrum everyday life. It used to be very comforting. But with appa it was friendly, intense and enlightening. I have learnt more by listening to him than by reading books.

My athai who was elder to him was living with us. The way he took care of her amazes me today. She was feeling insecure, so he opened a bank account in her name and used to deposit some amounts every month to give her the comfort.She used to carry the passbook proudly in her purse and would every now and then open it and see. He sent her on pilgrimages to places in tamil nadu, when such an opportunity came along. This was 50 years back when such indulgences were not common. She loved those trips in a van with the small group of devotees. She would regale us with the travel stories for days on end. She cannot stand a bus or van ride, so would invariably come back with a headache and nausea and would be laid up for a day.But she had fun.

He told me that you should give. He would show by action and say, see your hand is above. He taught me to do the right thing to the family. He would tell me "how can I be carry on my life when my own siblings are not doing well" .It was that simple. He sent his kanu gift by money order to his sister in the village almost till the end of her life. He would meticulously, every month send the bus fees for his niece in the village. Her father was not keen on her sending her to town for her high school and he took it as his job to see her studies were persued. Thatha once told him ,  that he was forever caring for the extended family, that he is not sure he is saving much. IF something happens to me, will you be able to manage the expenses of his last rites?  Appa took his concern seriously and put in the required amount in a fixed deposit and showed the receipt to thatha. Thatha was aghast. He told him, I was just saying it in passing. You have taken it so much to heart. That is appa. Not for him loose talk and casual comments. He says something, he stands by it, every word. I have acquired that trait from him. I say something I do it.

He was very happy I joined insurance company. He had joined lakshmi insurance company just before independence.He could not continue in delhi in that company as it was very difficult days post partition. Amma and appa came to my office when I took over as chief vigilance officer in an insurance company. It was a proud moment for him.

He taught us the epics by telling the stories when we used to sit around him in the late evenings. He was a good narrator. One of the images which has stuck in my memory is the scene when Rama is facing Ravana in the battlefield. He told us, here was Rama with a apology for an army of monkeys and bears. There was Ravana, the mighty king, with huge army spread over the entire canvas, of chariots, cavalry and hoardes and hoards of infantry. But then, Rama had Dharma with him and that is what mattered. This has shaped who I am. There have been challenging times at work when I have held on to this belief and sailed through successfully.Thanks appa.

He taught us slokas. Mostly those in praise of rama his ishta deivam. He used to help us get the pronounciation right.HE would also explain many a time the meaning of the slokas. So they have stayed with me all these years.

He was a thinker. He would not go by dogmas and rituals, unless he is convinced about them. Ours was a traditional household with modern thinking. He bought a book on hindu wedding rituals and their meaning before my wedding. He gave one copy to my husband and one to me. He said we are going through a traditional hindu wedding, so you both must know what you are doing and asked my husband that he should recite the mantras that the priest will ask him to.  My husband who was not much of a believer, bought into his wish and for the wedding and for the seemandham and ayushhomam of our children, he followed it through.

.... innum varum