Technology -pulls and pushes

It is exactly ten days since I came to chennai leaving Chiku there in Guwahati. D had told me that the minute I get back home, I will be planning my next visit to see Chikoo. I listened but did not say anything.
For the last one week, it was a time for settling down to a life without Chik. I was slowly crawling to a new routine, seeing one old tamil movie a day to fill up the void. Yesterday D sent a snap of Chiko on all his fours, turning and looking into the camera. That's it, I felt like just taking wings and going there and hugging the soft bundle.Today it is much worse. D has propped him with cushions and he is sitting down and looking directly into the camera. In another he has that curious expression where he is sitting face to face with D's mascot teddy bear as though they are in deep conversation. Chance e illa!

Many of my friends have their children settled abroad and do the customary visits to see their grandchildren. They all tell me that because of technology, they are able to be in touch with their grandchildren on a regular basis. So, they dont feel the distance and the pain of separation from the small babies. I used to believe them. But now I am not so sure. It is easier to talk to D about chikoo and know how he is doing. Occasionally his gurgle or gibberish sounds in the background when we are chatting makes me feel connected. But this photo and the google hangouts make it very difficult to stay emotionally stable 3000 km from him and carry on as if everything is fine.It is quite unnatural to feel a virtual connect without the real connect.

Chiku was seeing me on the screen and hearing me talk to him on skype a few days back. I felt good. But, the next day, chikoo felt quite disoriented, seeing me and not seeing me around after that. He is too tiny to grasp these stuff. So D used to minimise the screen, so Chik cannot see me, but I can see him. Even this became painful as I could see him, but could not even talk to him and hold him close. So. that has also been put on hold.

Now the still photos are also causing intense pain.

Technology and virtual space is okay for adults I guess. But when there is a patti and a child involved, it is just no go. I veto email, skype and what else cause more pain than pleasure

There is no substitute for real, physical presence. Amen.