Father's day

In Bangalore father's day is a time for single fathers to protest about child custody.The point they are making is to change the mindset of the society and judiciary.They want to be seen as not just human ATM machines but also one with feelings and responsibility to take care of their child.

I am not here judging their cause or what is the situation which makes them protest and in this fashion. This headline in newspapers only made me wonder about the new role father's are taking in the family. It has undergone drastic changes to be sure. Let me explain.

Atleast two generations back fathers have been the quintessential marginal players in a typical middle class family as far as a child is concerned.The father is usually absent.; he is ostentibly earning the daily bread. Usually he comes back well after the child has gone to sleep. Even if he is home early, he moves in a different circuit and is hobnobbing with other men in the house. He could also be in the 'thinnai' (pyol) and more interested in the goings on in the neighbourhood. The father hardly plays any role in the daily life of a child.The typical situation usually is like this. Mother manages everything except when the school progress card has necessarily to be signed by the father.Perhaps mothers were not well educated and even if they could make sense of the progress card, the father retained the authority to question the child on such occasions.

The father was the person to be afraid of, around whom the child was on its best behaviour. When the child is tiny, mothers used to take the father's name to scare the child into submission, be it for eating or not making a nuisance of itself.

But now things have changed a great deal. I see this generation of new fathers, going to the other extreme.They are the ones having fun with the child and it is the mother who is the disciplinarian. The mother has the responsibility of school work also. You see, unlike earlier times, the schools expect the parents to be involved day to day in the activities of the school and also to guide the child in homework. Fathers wriggle out of this responsibility, even when mothers are also pursuing careers equal to their husbands.

Fathers pamper the child with icecream, toffees and what not. They also buy them innumerable stationery and other trinkets that children seem to want nowadays. Now disciplining is mother's domain. Fathers want to have all the fun.

So the pendulum has swung the other extreme. Is it that father's have no idea of responsible child rearing?From an 'absent' father to an 'indulgent' father, when is it going to be a responsible father?

Coming back to the father's day issue, perhaps one cannot fault the society and judiciary, as they faithfully reflect the situation on the ground.

Perhaps fathers have to do hardcore parenting, than wield placards.