shadamarshanavasu

Monday, August 14, 2006

mothers of the world

I am pretty sure that fathers dont bond across countries and cultures the way mothers bond; and that too instantly.Barriers break down immediately and we are one large homogeneous group.Immediately one of them will show a photograph of her child(if they are 'new' mothers),otherwise the subject will almost invariably be about children, big or small.
There is a bit of showing off which takes place, there is a bit of gathering information, there is a bit of sharing concerns to find possible alternatives,there is genuine need for friendship.
Children form the centre of our lives, there is no getting away from it. Even after they have grown up and would like to lead their own lives.Whatever else happens in their lives, there is one person who will respond instantaneously to their needs; she is there for them come what may.
Was talking to a friend sometime back and she was sharing her experience of sitting up many a night looking after her small baby. Her mother was with her and on a particularly frustrating night, she asked her mother, 'when will all this end?"Her mother told her,'End?, there is no end; look at me your mom keeping up on this night; and you are the one who has given birth to a child!"She told me, that conversation with her mom, really changed her perspective.Yes, being a mommy is not a tenure post. There is no retirement.You are in it for life.
Another friend whose children are pursuing their higher studies/got married, had a similar if somewhat different story to tell.She told me that they keep telling her, mommy dont keep worrying about us; we are fine; do what you always wanted to do, but could not find the time when we were very young. She asked me, children have always been my life, and suddenly when they tell me to do my own thing, I am left bewildered,what should i do? I have never asked myself what i want from life.I want my children to be happy and when they are doing things which they want to do and making a go at being successful in life, that is what i want. What I want is congruent with their successes and their dreams.Even after pondering over this question deep and hard, i am not able to price myself away from the children and have an independent existence. Yes, children are deeply intertwined with us.
But then i do have a friend who told me, now that both her boys are away on higher studies, she has time and energy to pursue her dream of writing a book, doing her phd and leading her own life.She is rare and i figuratively sat at her feet and listened to her take on life, as it were.Let go .... But all the 3 hours i spent with her, her talk was centered around her two boys, and i know her and her husband more than i know the boys, so what does that indicate?
It is not only friends who get into the subject at the drop of a hat; here was this lady, whom i was meeting casually for the second time.She told me she is the mother of two boys who are doing higher studies in a different country. She showed me her sons"s photographs and for the next 5 minutes, was telling us important stories from their childhood.It ended with her telling me, that her elder son, who is ususally very quiet, has recently sent her a email, which said just two sentences, i am fine, i love you very much.She was glowing when she was telling me this.The satisfaction and fulfilment she gets in pursuing her chosen career does not detract from the genuine pleasure in talking about her children and their affection for her.
What is the moral of the story?Like some new age story writers, i leave it to the reader to form their own take on this post.

1 Comments:

At 8:37 AM, Blogger Snowbeak said...

haha, it's not for nothing that mothers are given such a special place in everyone's lives

 

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